The Convent Episode 2

Episode 2 was shown last Wednesday - you can watch it again or see extra clips here. My thoughts...

I was struck again by how brave the four women featured in this programme are. They have left everything that they know and are familiar with to try out this alien way of life - a way of life that is unusual by Catholic standards and these women are not Catholic. I wonder how 'regular' Catholics would cope? I wonder if I would cope?

What each of them is experiencing is fascinating in different ways and yet, it's somehow the same. It's like they have taken a time out from themselves to experiment with new ways of thinking and viewing and modelling the world and themselves.

When I watch the programme, I like that God is not referenced just for the sake of it - I don't notice a 'it's a programme about Catholics, therefore we must mention God continuously' type thing. Although, given that I am a Catholic, I honestly don't pay huge attention to the explainations - I do tend to take that as a given. Given my cultural specs, I only notice the nuns referencing God and Catholic teaching when it helps them to live and to be themselves. It's like the rules and teachings that sometimes seem to be a burden, the nuns use as tools. Will have to think more on this.

UK Blogs

I'm slowly learning (well, trying) not to make definite statements - everytime I do, the opposite happens. God must like to keep me confused :-).

Anyway, I've somehow come across this blog - Blogging the Catholic Church in England and Wales. Not only is it UK based Catholic blog, it also lists lots of other UK and Irish blogs and sites.

So excited!

Opposites are not

A friend of mine is really into older-style Catholic stuff. I'm not. He loves the Latin Mass, traditional Mass settings, vestments etc. I wouldn't choose to attend a Latin Mass as an ordinary event. I really enjoy Youth Masses (Y2K, WYD style). He wouldn't choose to attend a Youth Mass or to sing modern Catholic music.

Based on his advice, I have attended some old-school type services in Latin. I enjoyed some aspects of them and found myself to be spiritually moved (I'm sorry I cannot come up with a better expression than this) in a different way. I suspect that there are certain things you only recieve through the medium of traditional, Latin, Catholic services. Likewise, I've exposed him to modern Catholic music. He was a little aprehensive at first, but appreciated the intentions and did actually enjoy some of the songs.

Both of us are Catholic. We express our faith very differently. For both of us, the focus is God. So when I say something like 'have you heard this new Catholic rock band?' or similar, his immediate response is to take the mick (a little) and then listen to what ever I say (or cd I lend). I am not trying to heal, convert or cure, but to share something that has brought me a new understanding or moved me, and taught me more about God.

There are certain things that you have to do, in a specified way, as a Catholic - attend Mass, pray, receive the Sacraments etc. There are certain things that you have to do in an unspecified way - love God, love other people, be yourself. There are certain things that are open to you that are optional/your choice - attending Mass during the week, attend Mass in English, Polish, Latin or Portuguese, becoming a priest or a religious etc.

None of these different ways of being Catholic is right or wrong of themselves - they are an expression of something else, the Truth (substance) through our culture (accidentals). We need them all. If we ban the Latin Mass or girl altar servers or guitars for cultural reasons, we are the losers. If we ignore any one subgroup of the Church, we lose out. We are enriched by being able to hold and accept all these apparent contradictions (and each other) together.

I'm not saying that everything merits approval. If the focus is God and something is still problematic, we need to ask ourselves why. We need to question our own focus at the same time we question others. We don't have all the answers. God does. We need to ask for humility and courage, to be ourselves and let other be themselves.

To the truly humble man the ordinary ways and customs and habits of men are not a matter for conflict. The saints do not get excited about the things that people eat and drink, wear on their bodies, or hand on the walls of their houses. To make conformity or non-conformity with others in these accidents a matter of life and death is to fill your interior life with confusion and noise. Ignoring all this as indifferent, the humble man takes whatever there is in the world that helps him to find God and leaves the rest aside.

He is able to see quite clearly that what is useful for him may be useless for somebody else, and what helps others to be saints might ruin him. That is why humility brings with it a deep sense of refinement of spirit, a peacefulness, a tact and a common sense without which there is no sane morality.

Thomas Merton
New Seeds of Contemplation

New priests

New priests for Westminster.

And you know you're a Catholic nerd when you actually - vaguely - know some of them.

Confirmation Day

We had parish confirmation on Tuesday - 27 angsty teenagers are now fully functioning Catholics. It was actually the most fun I've had in Church for ages. Points of note:

All of the kids demonstrated what an important occasion this was by turning up on time and by the clothes they wore. Looking at them as a stranger, you could say that some of the dresses were too tight, some weren't as smart as they could be etc. But, they all dressed for an important occasion according to themselves. From the girls we had suits, denim, sandals, heels, black, white, bright pink, shawls, ponchos, satin, crochet, to name a few. From the boys, suits, ties, no ties, pink ties, jumpers, shirts... Usual attire is jeans and trainers.

Somehow, we have established a community among the group. Normally after a First Holy Communion or Confirmation, it's all about the family photo with the priest/bishop. This time, it was all about taking photos of and talking to each other and being together.

It was the first time that Bishop John Arnold had visited our parish since he became a bishop. I really liked his sermon. He not only challenged the Confirmation candidates, he challenged the rest of us as well. He said later that he noticed some of the candidates really listening to what he said.

Because we've been watching Fr. Stan (in Plugged in) and sung 'hail holy queen', we included elements of both in the Mass. The choir sang 'Hail holy queen' and we played a snippet of Fr. Stan's music. The reactions of different subgroups was hilarious. Our Confirmation kids loved it. The rest of the congregation was confused. Some of the parents and older people thought it was inapproprate. The priests and bishop seemed to be shocked. Most teenagers and young adults listened to the words - which were really approprate. Most of the older people did not.

The Confirmation kids were all smiling during and after the Mass. Most other people were very serious.

The England vs Sweden match was on at the same time as the Confirmation. Not one of the Confirmation kids mentioned it, was anxious to leave quickly to see the result or anything (these, who during classes would ask to leave/finish early or be receiving text messages if there was a football match on).

If you have a few minutes...

The new Catholic Carnival is up at Part Time Pundit.

The Brentwood Y2k Festival is on this weekend.

Bright Lights is less than three weeks away.

The Convent is on tonight - like now. If you miss it, you'll be able to watch it here.

The Cardinal had a meeting with the Health Minister, Patricia Hewitt today.

What is our problem?

From Essential Youth: Why the Church needs young people by Andy Hickford:

A church once asked me to act as a youth consultant.
From the outside, everything looked fine...
The problem was the young people - at least that's what they said.
There just weren't any.
They attended mid-week clubs but ... would not come to the services.

I met with the minister and then separately with all the other leaders
involved so that they could tell me what they really felt the problems were...
the services were too long and boring, and that the teaching and music
style failed to engage with adolescents, ...
if only there was a better Bible teaching and less entertainment in the youth programme,
the problems with young people would not exist in the first place.

Finally, the night arrived to meet with them all together.
Everybody in the room was focussed on the problem of the young people. ...

I began with a question: 'When was the last time you saw an adult converted from a non-Christian background?'
... Following some discussion, it was agreed that they could only remember one man
... An embarrassed silence fell upon the room as the truth began to sink in.
I put up an OHP slide:
'This church does not have a problem with young people.
Fundamentally, this church has a problem with the gospel!'

I went to what was advertised as a planning meeting for the Open the Doors weekend in our parish this evening. I had heard that there was going to be a big, extra special Parish Mass. Obviously the choir would be involved, so I thought I'd better show up and do my duty (!). So didn't want to be there.

Anyway, this is what was decided at the meeting:

• we're going to have flags
• we're going to have a 'Parish feast'
• we're going to have music and readings from different national and linguistic communities from within the Parish community

Everyone had very definite ideas about what 'we' should do - there was lots of discussion. Is anyone actually going to do anything thus far? Well, I'm typing up some lists I made and the PP is putting up a notice board and announcing it.

Does this make it a parish event, involving the whole community (how I loathe the misuse of the word 'community')? Admittedly, I am pretty pedantic when it comes to planning and organising (I am I librarian) - can't really spot the planning the event bit, it must have passed me by.

It's the lie (intentional or otherwise) that bothers me. We are a bunch of people who call ourselves Catholic, who happen to come to the same Church to worship - does that make us either Catholic or a community? (I could call myself 'Anne', if I felt like it. My birth cert would still say 'Louise'). We are having an event to which all mass-going Catholics in the Parish will be invited. Many will not come - does that make it a parish event?

It's easy to 'blame' one particular group. It's far harder to realise that the first problem - the only one we have the ability to change - is ourselves.

Sounds in the ether

These lyrics (either from or based on the songs referenced) have been rolling around my head today - it's made for an interesting medley.

Give me a song, and I'll sing it like I mean it.
Give me the words and I'll say them like I mean it.
Sewn
The Feeling

I was born to be free, in a world that doesn't care,

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker, with flowers in my hair
I wish I was a punk rocker
Sandi Thom

Only thing to do is jump over the moon
from the musical Rent

How to coordinate a choir

I had a surprise today. Some members of the choir asked me to delegate some of what I do to them. They were all concerned that I was finding it too much (I was like what gave it away - My fatigue? My complete lack of joy? And it took you this long to notice?!). So I said I'd write a list of all the different thing I do and we could work out what others could do and what I have to do. This is it:

• Find out feasts/readings for Masses in advance (anywhere from 4 weeks to 4 months)
• Nag the PP to plan/make decisions (Seriously! If I don't, we get given really challenging music like 5 minutes before the Mass. This is a campaign in itself. I began asking for a planning session for the Easter liturgies in January (3.5 months in advance). We got around to planning at the beginning of April - 3 weeks before Easter - just too late to properly learn new music).
• Read (and read around) the readings
• Identify themes
• Select relevant songs/hymns (sourcing music if necessary)
• Narrow music selection based on what we know and how much time we have
• Pray

For each weekly practice;

• Pray
• Plan music to rehearse based on events of the next two weeks (longer if there is a big event coming up)
• Learn/refresh knowledge of music
• Try to plan a warm-up/vocal exercise in the rehearsal in such a way that no one will notice it
• Pray
• Have a good lunch
• Leave work on time
• Run rehearsal (90 mins)
• Neither say or think anything that could possibly be interpreted as a critism (including things like, 'we went flat' or 'could we sing this more quietly')
• Keep positive the whole time and take nothing personally
• Have a prepared explaination or rationale for every hymn choice, action and suggestion I make
• Remember to remind everyone of the next and upcoming events
• Leave last
• Sleep

For each and every event/performance;

• Get a good nights sleep
• Pray
• Formalise and type up music schedule for the event
• Get to Church about 30-60 mins before event
• Get music selection approved by both the PP and celebrant
• Find out what unusual thing is happening and how it will impact the music
• Put up hymn numbers
• Copy and cut music schedule for choir and celebrant
• Run performance
• Be positive and take nothing personally
• Remind everyone of next and upcoming events
• Go home and sleep

My criteria for a successful event;

1. Nothing unusual happens
2. The choir sings in tune
3. I am still standing and have not had anyone tell me off

I think I may have to edit this list slightly before I present it to everyone.

Reconciliation

Reconciliation means to restore to compatibility or harmony and to restore the sacred.
It is also defined as "to make consistent or congruent" - for example,
to reconcile your ideals with reality.
When you practice reconciliation, you are reconciling yourself to the truth
that in this moment there are painful differences or polarities between you and another,
rather than allowing allowing your heart to become closed to the other,
you are seeking to align the mind/heart to include them just as they are.

Make peace by Phillip Moffit
In Yoga Journal
May 2006

Survey question

An idea came to me this morning, while I was praying (well, trying anyway). Wouldn't it be interesting to do a survey of people who attend Sunday morning Mass and ask something like 'What is most important to you'? I'd expect most of the answers to be things like 'my family', 'my health', 'my friends'. Do you think that anyone would answer 'God', or 'Jesus' or 'my faith'? And, what would be the ideal/perfect answer?

Then I came across this post Comfort and Security: the promises of Christ from Disputations. And over at Happy Catholic, Triple Scoop: What's wrong with modern life.

The Convent Episode 1

So the first episode of The Convent was broadcast on BB2 last Wednesday. If you missed it, you can watch it here.

I really liked it. This is reality TV - watching real people, really living real lives. So, my main thoughts:

Crying is a good thing. Crying happened when individuals were challenged, realised something true, had a painful experience or had an extreme emotion. I think I read somewhere that St. Benedict almost expected his monks to cry during prayer. Crying is something that is just not done in public; it is hidden, which I think is possibly the worst thing to do. These women are really brave.

I found everything that Victoria (referred to in the programme commentary as 'The Atheist') said to be really interesting. She reminded me of conversations I have with my sister (who claims not to believe in God), where we both come to similar conclusions - like, 'if nothing you do matters, all that matters is what you do' - from different frames of reference, but essentially meaning the same thing.

To live a Christian life is to struggle to truly be yourself. It is a battle, it is hard work and nothing can be taken for granted. I found it an eye-opener to compare the joy and hard work of the nuns with the apathy and complacency of regular Christians, living in the world.

Pride is so hidden and sneaky. Everything - absolutely everything - I have ever learned or been exposed to says that everything I do or am should be right or worthy just because it is I that do it. It is really painful to realise that I can only be right or worthy if I don't think or believe I am (a challenge when it is the basic assumption of everything. It really is - just consider it), and that it shouldn't/can't/doesn't matter anyway.

Odds and ends

Went to see X-Men 3 finally. What a pile of pants - a total waste of time and money. Interesting premise - if you could be 'cured' to conform to the social norm, would/should you? - terrible execution. Most of the characters (I'm using that word in the loosest possible way) were reduced to sarky one-liners or brooding stares or the kind of lines typically used in American dramas before a 'heroic' moment, against all odds, when the music usually shifts up a tone. And the direction was so simplistic - wide shot, close up, panning... Just crowd pleasing nonsense. I'm going to have to go and watch Harry Potter Number Three, which is just the polar opposite.

And ... rant over. I was in such a bad mood after seeing it. Even book shopping couldn't cheer me up.

In real life, I attended a conference yesterday on copyright and digital information. It was a real eye opener for me, especially as digitisation is causing such a shift in attitude towards information and what you can do with it. It's a bit 1984.

We had a Confirmation rehearsal last night. Can I just say how much I love these kids? They are up for anything and everything we've thrown at them. But start talking at them, expecting them not to engage and they just switch off. To my mind they are so blatent about it, but I don't think most grown ups clock it. It's not apathy, it's energy saving.

The Doctor Who part 2 on Saturday was interesting. I liked the idea of the Beast (the devil character) being physically trapped, but mentally able to possess people (and aliens) and corrput them. I was a bit disappointed at the conclusion as it just seemed too easy. The guy possessed got sucked out into the vacuum and into a black hole. As the episode ended, I was just like 'And...'.

I haven't commented on last week's study group yet - I was so not in the right frame of mind. Since I got all emotional a couple of weeks ago (is it that long ago?), the least thing and I'm all sad, depressed and weepy. Anyway, I liked it overall. But one comment at the end just ruined it for me. And it was that the Cross is a taunt, that our guy won. I can't even begin to vocalise the problems I have with this - the thought just seems so at odds with my concept of Jesus and being a Catholic, let alone what God has been clobbering me with over the past ten days or so.

Finally, just to remind you, (as if you'd forget) The Convent is on BBC 2, Wednesdays at 9pm from tomorrow!

St Augustine

You scored as Augustine. You have a big view of God and also take human sin and depravity very seriously. Predestination is important for you. Augustine 67% John Calvin 47% Karl Barth 47% Paul Tillich 40% Anselm 33% Martin Luther 27% Friedrich Schleiermacher 27% Charles Finney 27% J?Moltmann 27% Jonathan Edwards 0% Which theologian are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Via Richest Man in Assisi

If I had taken this test a couple of years ago and gotton this result, I'd have freaked out. But I'm actually really excited - how sad am I? St Augustine and I share the same birthday! He was also cited in the sermon I heard today and I came across a book of his selected writings recently. It's going to have to be next on my reading list.

And predestination vs free will has been an obsession of mine for years (but I think I kind of get, based on here, here and the idea of the multiverse).

Different perspectives

There is a post and discussion over at Open Book about men (or the lack of) involved in Church. I don't really know what I think about this one way or another. In my extended family, apart from my uncle who is a priest, only a couple of the men attend Mass on a regular basis. But then, not many of the women do either. In my local parish, it is the women who make up the majority of the Mass-going congregation and get involved. In our study group, apart from a priest, the attendees include just one man.

However, if you consider those who hold positions of responsibility in my parish, it is almost always the men who hold the prominant ones. The men are the ones who organise big events and count the money and (mostly) do the stuff that gets attention, praise and thanks. It is the women who do the routine, boring and necessary tasks like setting up before Mass, cleaning the Church, catechesis etc - the stuff that rarely gets attention or publicity.

Since I've been in charge of the Choir, the PP has found it amusing that I don't like to be publicly named or thanked or even referred to at all. I don't think he gets why. Leading the choir is not a personal thing. The choir is (in theory) a community. We're small enough that we can, for the most part, make group decisions. I only assert myself as "leader" when representing the choir or it is necessary for the task at hand. It is my role in the community. Others play organ, or drum, or harmonise ... what ever their role is. For me to get more praise or thanks than the others, just for being myself and fulfilling my role, seems silly.

Is that the difference? For women, the focus/gratification is in the group achievement. For men, it is individual achievement. I really don't know.

Spirit in the City

From my inbox:

The West End Catholic Churches invite you to
Come and Experience the
SPIRIT IN THE CITY

Celebrate – Pray – Evangelise – Listen
together with other young adults,
prayer groups, movements from London
Thursday 13th July – Sunday 16th July 2006 .

The Festival of Faith at the West End (part of the Diocesan 'Open the Doors' events)
will have the Eucharist as its focus, with Forty Hours Adoration,
and Processions between the churches with the Blessed Sacrament.
There will be Catechesis each evening, inspired by the World Youth Days.
Various Street Mission activities will take place during the festival,
and Christian Bands will play live on Soho Square.

Saturday evening you are invited for a celebration with
young adults from all around London with Bishop Bernard Longley.

Participating Churches:
French Church by Leicester Sq,
Our Lady of the Assumption & St Gregory at Warwick Street,
Corpus Christi on Maiden Lane and
St Patrick's in Soho

Quiz result

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after death). Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally! Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Via Happy Catholic.

Do it anyway

I came across this at Reasoning Repaired. There are more - these are my favourites.

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered…
… love them anyway!

If you do good people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives…
… do good anyway!

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable…
… be honest and frank anyway!

Give the world the best you’ve got and you’ll get kicked in the teeth…
… give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

What to wear?

The Herminutic of Continuity has a post up discussing dress in Church, which got me thinking. There is more to consider.

For most people I know, the (general, normal life) primary motivations for wearing what they wear are functionality and style/fashion. Church is no different.

I spend most of my week working in an office where smart dress is mandated, to create the 'right impression'. When I go to Church at the weekend I don't go to create 'an impression', I go to be me. Therefore, I'll wear whatever I'm comfortable in - usually trainers, combats and t-shirt.

One of this things I've found most difficult about leading the choir, is that I no longer attend Sunday Mass to be me, but to fulfil a function. I feel a pressure to set an example, to do a good job, to meet other people's expectations so I am taken more seriously. So, I'm dressing up. It certainly helps other people.

Shouldn't we should be beyond this? Thomas Merton says the humble person doesn't get flustered by things like what other people wear, or hang or their walls - because it's an accidental. It's not really important.

There are many people who dress in a conventional Church fashion, who make all the right noises and gestures. But their clothes and words and gestures mean nothing because they are not authentic - those clothes and words and gestures are not true for that person, they don't believe it. Likewise, some people wear hoodies or hats, tight jeans, lowish tops etc and may not have all the right words and gestures. But what they do do is real for them. They are not faking it. And all the different permutations in between.

But we are all here together. I'm reminded of a song I know;

Come, just as you are to worship.

Come, just as you are before your God.

Come.

Youth Ministry

Way of the Fathers has an post about Youth Ministry. Open Book has some interesting thoughts.

My problem is that grown ups always tell us how things should be and they rarely live it. I don't believe them. Simple as. It's easy to tell others how things should be done, but not actually do it.

Have you ever done something just because someone told you to? It's boring. Think about the people who inspire you. They never tell you what to do - they just be. It's a people problem, not a youth problem.

On the Monastery Revisited last night, one of the participants talked about how he had not found a church that he felt comfortable in. He described the churches he had been in as fake. And it is so true. How many people do we know who attend church, do all the actions, say all the words, and yet ... you just know that they don't believe it? The Y Church report, talks about how young people recognise and just discount this kind of thing. It's not real.

Life is a challenge. Anyone who says or does otherwise is only fooling themselves. Young people know this and and acknowledge it. Too many grown ups have forgotton it. If we want to teach young people about our faith, all we have to do is to be ourselves and keep it real.

Which is what Jesus did.

Nooooooooooo!!

You Are Ned Flanders

A good neighbor and a devout Christian, you are a community leader. And you are called to make the world a better place, especially for left handed people. You will be remembered for: your goofy expressions - "hi-dilly, ho-dilly!"

So, so, so scared.

I'm not left handed. I don't have goofy expressions. Can't I be Lisa?

Fire@Pentecost

A youth event last Sunday, to celebrate Pentecost, at the SPEC centre. It's just far enough away to be outside London, but close enough to get there in about an hour and only cost £4.20 return on the train. I went with two friends- we joke that we're more like an extended family. We rarely get the chance to hang out together, so it was cool.

It was a lovely sunny day - not too hot. Mass was celebrated outside with Fr. Vlad and Fr. Chris. The music was on the happy clappy side (which I do enjoy), well sung and with meaning - something I hear so rarely but makes it all the more special. We had a talk from a youth worker guy (cannot remember his name). He talked about the Acts passage from the Mass readings. There was a BBQ AND they had veggie sausages! There were performances by a guy called Tim (cannot remember his name) and Crossbeam. Both were excellent.

I just love this place. This is the fifth time I've been to SPEC and it just always makes me feel better and okay to be me. Love it.

Monastery Revisited

The Monastery Revisited is on tomorrow, Wednesday 7th June 2006 at 9pm on BBC2.

Following disagreement

Thank you to anyone who prayed or had positive thoughts in any way about my big event of last week. Sunday passed without major incident, Thank God.

It's not resolved however and honestly, I can't see how it is going to. This person would have totally blanked me, if I had not spoken to her - addressing her as I normally would and would (and did) anyone else. The more I think about it (and unfortunately, I'm pondering little else), I realise that I did all I could after the disagreement to resolve the situation. But she has to accept it and I'm not sure she has. As frustrating as it is, it is not my place to demand that she acknowledge and accept the resolution I presented or negotiate a new one. I must be patient and wait. And carry on being myself.

I'm still really shook up though. The least thing, my eyes start to well up and I retreat into sadness and silence - even at work today. I haven't really talked about this with anyone. People are either too connected to me to see objectively (will just diss the person - 'cos that helps!) or I think it's inappropriate to talk about it with them because they are in a leadership role, they know her etc. Although this disagreement happened in front of about 10 other people, not one has asked me about it or how I am or anything at all - I think that that might be the most devastating thing about this.

I wish I had the courage to bring this up with the people concerned. But I'm afraid that I'm making too much of this and that I'm making it all about me. I'm afraid that no one will take me seriously and that I and my feelings will be rejected. I'm afraid of appearing weak. By some things that were said on Sunday, I reckon that because I got so upset I've been judged as weak and incapable, if not incompetent. The shortcut to making this alright is to carry on and be strong. The true way to begin to make this right would be for me to have courage and raise this with those concerned. But that would require them to make an effort too. And cause pain. But eventually healing and joy.

It occured to me today that I need forgiveness - for the guilt I feel, that this happened at all, that it got so out of hand, that I feel so bad about it, that it wasn't properly resolved, that I don't have the courage to resolve it, that I failed as a leader and teacher ... for whatever I've done that has caused such reactions, the hatred and the apathy. Will try for Confession tomorrow.

There is a good in all this - it is so much easier to pray when there is absolutely nothing you can do except depend on God.

I did not come to this without help - I am not that objective. I went to a talk yesterday about dependence on God and I'm reading The Different Drum by M Scott Peck about building community.

Interesting stuff...

Just saw an ad for the new BBC series, The Convent. They're selling it as a real, lasting detox for the soul, as opposed to a quick fix, makeover type programme. I like it.

Doctor Who tonight was pretty cool. The bad guy appears to be Satan, who was released from a pit in a planet suspended in orbit around a black hole. We haven't seen him - he takes over the bodies of a slave race, so they act in legion. It's a part one of a part two and I'm really interested to see how it is concluded.

The BBC also seem convinced that the Pope will accept an invitation to visit England from Tony Blair, while he is in Rome. A couple of months ago, the lead story in the Catholic papers was that the Pope had already declined an invite. It'd be cool if he comes, but I doubt it'll be just because Tony Blair asks him.

Disagreement

I was part of a really horrible disagreement this week - and not by choice. Someone took issue with something I said. Fair enough.

I responded to the objections raised about what I said, explaining my opinion etc. It seemed to me, in part, to be a knowledge problem - the issue was about something that I know somthing about, so I also tried to impart some of my knowledge. I expected the other person to respond in a similar way - give their opinion, explain why they disagreed with mine and we'd have a interesting discussion.

How wrong was I?! The other person proceeded to talk over me, increasing in volume - not listening to a word I said. What was worse, was that they began to display complete hatred and contempt for me - saying things in an exasperated tone 'Oh, come on Louise', rolling their eyes and agressive gestures (on top of what can be inferred from how the 'discussion' carried on - disrespect, anger etc). As soon as I realised that we wouldn't be able to discuss this, I called a halt and said that we would discuss it later - (this took place in front of other people, when we were trying to do something else). When I tried to resolve the discussion later, it got worse. The person wouldn't have talked with me, unless other people had persuaded her. She made really personal, hurtful comments - 'I'm not taking any more of your nonsense, Louise', and did the thing people do when they know they kind of have to listen and respond to someone, but don't want to - 'Yes, Louise', 'Okay', 'fine' - anything to shut me up.

I was really shocked and distressed by the whole thing. What scared me the most, is that this person has already decided that whatever I say, she will not accept. There is nothing I could do, short of total compliance with her wishes (and even that would be distrusted), that will convince this person that

1. I know what I am talking about,
2. I'm not out to get her/I don't hate her/I don't have an ulterior motive
3. I'm a person as worthy of love and respect - and failing that, politeness - as she is.

I'm also really shocked because this person claims to be a Catholic and has known me (well, we've been in proximity to each other) for at least 5 years. I don't particularly like this person, but I always treated her as I would any random person who wasn't trying to harm me. I don't normally find myself in such a situation - this came totally out of the blue. I'm trying to account for a reason that she could hate me so much, and I'm coming up with nothing I think would merit it.

If you can, please pray for us both - I have to see her tomorrow and I have a feeling that this is not yet resolved.

Mixing it up

In study group last night, we were talking about pic-and-mix religion. You know, choosing some things, ignoring other - like pic and mix sweeties. I like gummy bears and jelly babies in my pic and mix, but not dolly mixtures. Therefore, I won't choose them. Sweets are one thing. But...

Lots of people seem to pic and mix from different religions and systems and practices, others are selective within one faith. Over at A Catholic Life, Moneybags has an interesting post on different Catholic-but-not-quite sweetie bags. It doesn't even have to be religious. The current government seem to be basing their policy choices at the moment on what ever the headlines of the day are - knife amnesty or TB not picking up his congressional medal, anyone - rather than basing their policy on their socialist (in theory) principles.

We - people, that is - always want to follow the path that is easy and fun - the path of least resistance. We place value on things that make us feel good - happy, cheerful, fulfilled, satisfied ... whatever floats your boat. They give us a feeling of self-worth. They validate our existence. I feel, therefore I am. We become attached to these feelings and they become commodities. We will do anything to obtain them and give up anything in exchange for them - money, time, relationships.

In doing so, we also avoid anything that takes away these feelings and replaces them with ones that don't make us feel good - guilt, shame, sadness, grief. We will do anything to get rid of them and give up anything that might restore our feeling of self worth - money, time, relationships.

The problem is, of course, that life is not that easy. We only know the good and fun because we know the bad and crappy. It is the bad that gives the good it's value. Being a Catholic is about more than saying your favourite prayers or singing your favourite songs. At its most basic, being a Catholic is about following Jesus Christ, who embraced the good and the bad. As hard as it often is, aren't we called do the same?

What is a choir?

This was a question asked of the choir I 'coordinate' this week. People gave different answers, and the more I think on the question the more I think it needs further discussion.

What is a choir?
A choir is a group of people who sing together. This sounds simple, but I don't think it is. A choir is more than one person - it is people.

A choir sings - not just sings, but sings well. The members of a choir must be able to sing. I would say that they must also be musical - not necessarily trained, but have a musical instinct/ear. What does that mean? They need to be able to listen and hear music and appreaciate differences - a change of key, different notes, different beats. Whether or not the differences can be named is irrelevant (that can be learned), it is recognising them that is essential.

A choir sings together. That means working as a team. It doesn't mean singing the exact same thing - everyone has a (different) role/tune to play. A choir cannot function without each individual valuing the others for the contribution they make, respecting everyone's voice and ability and accepting that they are not the star.

What is a Catholic parish choir?
All of the above, and of the parish. That means that most of the members of the choir should be members of the parish too i.e. Catholics.

What is the role of the parish choir?
The role of the Parish Choir is to lead the congregation in singing.

What is the point of singing in Church?
To worship and praise and thank and petition and pray, in general, talk to God.

Singing in a Church choir has two foci - God and music (the combination of the focus of being in Church and being in a choir). Singing and music are the ministy. Thomas Merton says that if you are called to be a Catholic poet, you must first of all be a good poet. So, if we are called to be a Catholic choir, we must first of all be a good choir - we must sing together as a group.

And, since we are called to lead the congregation during worship/praise/petition/thanksgiving/prayer - conversation with God, I think this means that we must also be good at talking to God too. Both as individuals and as a group.

In our discussion, choir members talked about singing, leading the singing etc. No one, other than me, mentioned God. In fact, I was almost disagreed with. This bothers me.

For the choir to become a good choir and good at leading other people in worship, we are good at singing and good at praying - as individuals and together as a group.

And if I am leading or coordinating the choir, I have to encourage this?

Gulp!