To know that I matter and can make a difference makes me feel excited - for about five minutes. Then I start to get scared. That means I have responsibility - what I do can impact other people. Even more scarily, what I don't do could impact them.
A few years ago, a friend came to me for advice. Lots of people were telling her what to do, but she wan't sure. I happened to be really stressed that day, so instead giving her my time and attention to help her weigh up the arguments for and against, I told her that she had to make up her own mind and do what she thought was right. I chose whatever else it was I was doing over her.
Can I remember what I was doing that was so important I chose to do it over helping my friend? No. But I remember her asking for my help and fobbing her off without really paying her much attention. The decision she made has changed her and caused her a lot of pain and heartache. I don't know if my help would have made any difference, but I always wonder and I feel responsible in some ways.
I can't second guess every little thing I do and say. I'd never get anthing done. What I can do is to be myself and trust in God. I finally made the decision to blog for a reason. I'm sitting here, typing this now for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, only that I feel compelled to write this. So here I am, being me and trusting that God knows what he's doing.