... is how I am feeling right now.
Sorry for abandoning this blog for the last while, but I have not had the brainpower or the time to do anything outside my duties - except watch The Convent and Battlestar Galactica.
The things that I'm doing right now, are not bringing me fulfilment or joy. If you look at my life from the outside (and if you are reading this, you have a window to the inside) I'm doing all the right things. Just look at my profile - I have all these names and labels associated with being me that sound really great. Lately, these names and labels have become chains.
I'm not sure if it's me, the environments I'm in, the roles I play, the people I'm with or something else. The point is, I'm not happy. I feel like I'm not allowed to be me. My doctor reckons I'm mildly depressed. So, things are going to change.
And that's what I've been doing this last week - putting change in motion. It's not going to happen until September, but it is GOING to happen. Watch this space...
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they do not sow seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren't you worth much more than birds? Mt 6: 26
About Me
- louise
- I'm a young adult. I'm a Catholic. I'm a youth worker. I used to be a librarian. I live in London. I'm an alto. I'm Irish. I play the violin. I'm intj (apparently). I'm a godmother. I'm a scientist. I read (lots). I'm a family historian. I'm me.
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3 comments:
Dear, dear Louise,
For what it's worth, I've noticed you haven't updated your blog for over a week. Why? Because I check every day. Why? I don't really know - but your honesty and openess has touched and challenged me. I feel I know you - although of course, I don't really, and you don't know the first thing about me!
We all go through 'wobbles' from time to time. Don't for a moment think your life is pointless or unfulfilled - from all you reveal on your Blog, you obviously care about your youth group, choir, those at work and everyone you come into contact with!
Sometimes, all we lack is being told that we're appreciated for 'who we are'. When those around us think we're 'strong' they take us for granted and forget we need encouragement and are very often 'fragile'.
Well, be encouraged. Be embarrassed even, that you 'matter' to someone you don't even know!
You decided to wear your heart on your sleeve when you started this blog - well don't be surprised when people are touched by that.
People love you Louise, and pray for you - people you don;t even know. You're not 'mildly depressed' - you're just seeking God's will in your life and waiting for a reply and getting a bit impatient!!
GET CHEERFUL! We like you that way!
Much, much love.
PPS
Why have you made me create my own blog just so I can leave you a comment??!!
I think everyone gets depressed to some extent these days.
For a Catholic perspective, I recommend "Lost in the Cosmos" by Walker Percy, although it's in American and needs translating into English cultural idiom... ;)
Thanks guys! :)
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